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Location: Greensboro, NC, United States

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

The Jocularity of Dr. Eugene

Once a month I pay a visit to my chiropractor, Dr. Eugene. It is always an enjoyable visit, not in the least because the good doctor is so darn funny. [Insert joke about the doctor who keeps you in stitches here.] He was raised Russian Orthodox and has spent part of his adult life among Presbyterians. I am a Presbyterian attending an Anglican church. So between the two of us, we have a lot to joke about.

The following dialogue is cobbled together from our conversation during today’s visit. I always take a book of theology in with me to read while waiting. And he always begins the conversation with something like, “One of these days you’re going to come in here with a trashy romance novel,” or “One of these days you’re going to come in here with a John Grisham novel.” Today was no different.

Dr. Eugene: One of these days you’re going to come in here with a book by Jack [John Shelby] Spong. You know, you really should start your own church. That way, you can pick your own confession, your own vestments, your own architecture, your own doctrine…. You know, I think I’ll do that. I’ll send letters out to all my supporters…

Me: You ought to send prayer cloths out with the letters.

Dr. Eugene: I was thinking more like drinking glasses. I could sign each one individually.

Me: Just don’t send out shot glasses. Your Southern supporters wouldn’t take to that too well.

Dr. Eugene: Really? Shot glasses were what I had in mind. I could say, “One shot of spirit juice in each glass.”

Me: Enough Holy Spirit to make it through the day, huh? What you should do is market it for about a month. Once you’ve field-tested it and proved it marketable, I bet Benny Hinn would pay a boatload of money for the rights to it.

Dr. Eugene: Probably so. I could make you a Vicar. You would be Deputy Vicar of East Greensboro, or something like that. Or a Bishop. You’d get to wear a big pointy hat. You could get into movies for free. All you’d have to do is flash your bishop’s badge, and they’d let you in.

Me: I’ll be waiting for my call. Greensboro wouldn’t know what to do with a bunch of guys running around wearing vestments.

Dr. Eugene: You’d have to wear the vestments all the time, too.

Me: Even in July?

Dr. Eugene: The hat would be air-conditioned.

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