The emperor cult of ancient Rome has returned.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
The Red House
A commercial for a furniture place in High Point. Furniture for black people, white people, and "exspanic" people too.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Actual Analogies and Metaphors Written by High School Students
The following came to mind earlier this evening for some reason. These are statements taken from actual essays written by high school students. They were making the rounds on blogs a couple of years ago, and I was thinking I had posted them here at that time. I haven't been able to find them, so I might not have. I've re-read them many times, and I end up with my sides hurting from laughter every time I do.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.
23. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
24. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
25. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
26. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
27. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.
28. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
29. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
30. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.
23. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
24. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
25. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
26. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
27. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.
28. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
29. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
30. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Boring is Good
A great post from George Grant on why boring is good:
http://grantian.blogspot.com/2009/09/yearning-for-boring.html
http://grantian.blogspot.com/2009/09/yearning-for-boring.html
Friday, September 11, 2009
Taking a Vampire - or a Fad - by the Tails
I haven't read any of the Twilight series, so I can't comment on it myself. But Doug Wilson wrote a few posts about it recently which are worth the read, even if you disagree with his conclusions:
http://www.dougwils.com/index.asp?Action=Anchor&CategoryID=1&BlogID=6882
http://www.dougwils.com/index.asp?Action=Anchor&CategoryID=1&BlogID=6885
http://www.dougwils.com/index.asp?Action=Anchor&CategoryID=1&BlogID=6890
http://www.dougwils.com/index.asp?Action=Anchor&CategoryID=1&BlogID=6899
http://www.dougwils.com/index.asp?Action=Anchor&CategoryID=1&BlogID=6882
http://www.dougwils.com/index.asp?Action=Anchor&CategoryID=1&BlogID=6885
http://www.dougwils.com/index.asp?Action=Anchor&CategoryID=1&BlogID=6890
http://www.dougwils.com/index.asp?Action=Anchor&CategoryID=1&BlogID=6899
Thursday, September 10, 2009
I'll start respecting the office of the President as soon as the President does.
Oh, Joe Wilson. After a brief moment of masculine courage, in which you dared question the divine right of kings, you have bowed in exchange for lands and titles. He who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is not fit for the kingdom.
The parallels are multitude, and that's because our government emerged from the history depicted here. But few people know these things anymore. If you haven't seen the movie, you need to. For our purposes, the most pertinent statement comes at the 7:13 mark. Whether or not it actually happened, I don't know.
The parallels are multitude, and that's because our government emerged from the history depicted here. But few people know these things anymore. If you haven't seen the movie, you need to. For our purposes, the most pertinent statement comes at the 7:13 mark. Whether or not it actually happened, I don't know.
Monday, September 07, 2009
Only in America...
...would we have a holiday that was named in such a way as to make us feel bad for taking the day off.
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
This just in from CNN...
...fires are moving rapidly throughout California. The cause? The Duggars are having too many children. Those darn resource consumers...
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