The Iowa Caucus

So Huckabee and Obama each came in first in their respective parties in the Iowa caucus. It’s exactly what I expected, though it remains disappointing. Both are socialists at heart, which brings up the statement Doug Wilson made a few years ago, that if the Democrats were to propose a bill to blow up the Capitol Building, the Republicans would counter with a proposal to phase it in over three years.

On the Huckabee side, he’s exactly what Americans generally want in a president. He smiles a lot, makes clever jokes, speaks in a very soft, effeminate sort of way, and promises that your country will continue to take care of you. And the fact that he’s a Southern Baptist minister is just par for the course, for the smiley, soft sort of fellow is the ideal male as portrayed by Southern Baptist culture. In essence, what America generally wants in the White House is an effete Southern gentleman. That was G. W., and his father, and the possibly-soon-to-be First Husband and former President Bill Clinton.

Then there’s Obama. He road to victory in Iowa, as Huckabee did, on the strength of his sweet, gentle smiles. But much credit is to be given to Oprah. Thanks to millions of shallow women everywhere, who know nothing of political theory because learning it would take, like, work and stuff, and who are naïve enough to follow their sinful feelings wherever they take them, Obama has a great chance of being our next president. Oprah has yet to promise a free refrigerator to everyone who votes for Obama, but she will certainly be glad to get you excited over him, for no apparent reason whatsoever, in order to manipulate you and a nation full of other willing slaves to vote for her candidate. Ladies, you can’t just trust somebody because they come across on TV as having a “great personality” or because some celebrity tells you to vote for him. Even celebrities have agendas, and those agendas don’t necessarily include your well-being.